So I turned 39 yesterday. I am staring the big 40 in the eyes next year and I can’t help but think, damn where did the time go? I still feel like a kid sometimes. You know, that feeling when you’re with a group of people be it friends, coworkers or even strangers and you feel like everyone else has a ton more experience and knowledge than you do. Like when you speak and try to sound brilliant in a conversation and no one really acknowledges what you say. They do of course but you just think that they don’t and way over think the conversations of the day. I just keep waiting for everyone to stop and look at me in amazement and say “oh my God! You are so right!”. Ever happen to you? It does to me all the time and it’s what I mean when I say I still feel like a kid sometimes. I actually like feeling that way though. It makes me try harder and continue to seek knowledge. I may never be the wise man that I think I am in my head but at least I can keep learning and perhaps one day when I do actually grow up… screw this, I’m going to play a video game.
I have noticed that in the past couple of years I have started getting into things that I just never gave a damn about like politics, retirement and world affairs. Not that I didn’t care before but now it’s a little different. I read more closely, actually remember things and quote them in conversations I have. You know, something the old people used to do.
I find myself telling my kids things like “you can count how many true friends you will have in your life on one hand” or some other cliche quote that makes me sound like an old man and I’m sure they are thinking the same thing I did when I was their age – OK enough with the life speech I have shit to do like hang out with my friends who I can count on more that one hand – loser. It takes a few years of experience to actually learn these kinds of things on your own. Maybe my kids will listen better than I did though. I feel like I have made things a lot harder for myself but not listening very much when I was younger. At the same time though the lessons I’ve learned have been my lessons – gained through the inexperience of thinking I knew it all and acting on impulses. The hard way.
Seriously, I’m going to play a video game now – shit’s getting real.